lovequotesrus: EVERYTHING LOVE
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my abuser comes to live with us for...
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my abuser comes to live with us for ‘some time’!!! I get so scared at night because she and I are the only ones awake in the house, and I can’t afford to sleep so if she does something to me, I can hit her. And in the day, I go to sleep because I can’t face her. What the hell. I’m triggered 24/7, and she is so mean to my sweet little innocent mother. Don’t like the way things are going
Photo
reclusivesouls: ☹ sad ☹
stoicmike: There are people who could take off nine masks and...
There are people who could take off nine masks and you would still be looking at the tenth. -Michael Lipsey
Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
clas-sic: love. sharing is caring.
love. sharing is caring.
Guess what I just found. Some negatives of 5 year old me from my abuser’s drawer. Weird. Those...
Guess what I just found. Some negatives of 5 year old me from my abuser’s drawer. Weird. Those negatives are 10 years old.
I can’t study anymore. I’m always thinking about how she touched me. I want to get out...
I can’t study anymore. I’m always thinking about how she touched me. I want to get out of my body. Feel so trapped. I’m very scared this is going to affect my results. Badly. My concentration span is shorter than that of a butterfly. I have too much on my mind. I’m a straight A student, and I can’t afford to be so irresponsible. Dumb perfectionist.
What’s worse, two of my teachers think I’m mental because a) they trigger me, and b) I’m shy. One of them looks a lot like my abuser, they have the same accent too. And the other is male, and being awkward around men is what I’m best at.
Photo
You know how they say the abused always abuse? Well, this is it. I’m abusing myself. Everytime...
You know how they say the abused always abuse? Well, this is it. I’m abusing myself. Everytime I skip a meal, punch my stomach, scratch my skin excessively, I’m abusing myself.
Wasted last night thinking how different I’d be had I not been abused. Probably normal. Smart....
Wasted last night thinking how different I’d be had I not been abused. Probably normal. Smart. Confident. Also, flushed 2 pictures of my sister down the toilet. And talked to her on the phone for 3 minutes 31 seconds. Yay me.
I’m so terribly fucked up, it scares me. What if this I stay this way all my life? I’ve...
I’m so terribly fucked up, it scares me. What if this I stay this way all my life? I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that I just cannot talk to people.
I was talking to this guy, and he didn’t really know anything about me so I was bold and funny. Now that I’ve told him what school I go to, and he knows about all these things I like, I just can’t bring myself to talk to him. Like an inverted flower. He still doesn’t know my name(and idk his), which is probably the only reason I’m talking to him.
I grow inwards when people start to know me. Then I put on a mask and completely change. Fraud. Wonder what it has to do with vulnerability. I’m so boring and fake. He probably hates me now. Should I apologize for being awkward?
"The body shuts down when it has too much to bear: it goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a..."
"The body shuts down when it has too much to bear: it goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive."- Sylvia Plath (via neuromanticism)
God, I’m so awkward. Someone teach me how to talk to people. Why does it have to be so hard...
God, I’m so awkward. Someone teach me how to talk to people. Why does it have to be so hard :(
Also, really mad at sister 2 for sleeping with me. She has her own room, surely she could’ve slept there. Go away.
I'm going to talk to anon as I have a very sexual blog and I don't want you thinking about me, only what I have to say. I'm so terribly sorry for your situation. While ever you are identing your sis as MY abuser, you are possessing it. I'm not sure that's good. With time will come perspective. That she also was a young girl trying to work out her sexuality. It was sad she did this on you, & so young. You need to tell her you are angry. She will be fearful that you will tell. you have POWER here.
Hmm, I've never thought of it this way. Judging by the pain she has caused me, she is my abuser first and sister second. That's just the way I see it. Do you think confronting her is a good idea? I want to stay away from her because she might hurt me again. Too many what if's to consider before I tell on her. Thanks though x
A women abuse you? Do you mind telling me wt happened
n…ope
I am so sorry that that happened, or any of it even. Not just what happened today. And I know that that doesnt change anything at all. Is there anything that is worth staying alive for? a person? or something you want to do in the future? I recall reading something about you wanting to live in London, is being able to do that one day a good reason for staying?
Sorry for replying so late. I don't believe this haha. How do you remember that? The only reason I'm going on is because of London. (that sounds so cheesy). This was so nice and thoughtful, thanks x
I was sexually abused by my brother. I know how you feel. I hate how much he fucked me up. And I hate how no one knows
I can totally relate to this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Message me anytime you need to talk. I'm here for you x
Today marks 1 year
I got to know it wqs sexual abuse on 1st April, a year ago. Today is like a 1 year anniversary. Oddly, April is also Sexual Abuse Awareness month.
I’ve worked out some minor stuff, like responding to touch and saying no. I told my school counsellor about it. I wrote 50+ poems about it. I stopped locking myself inside my room whenever my abuser came to visit. I told my abuser’s husband about it. I talked back to my abuser. I read books on abuse. I made new friends, understood myself. I told random strangers on the Internet. I made a blog to rant about it. I used a lot of pain to create a lot of art. I don’t get panic attacks when I see her anymore. I said no when my abuser asked me to kiss her 6 months ago. I stopped pretending everything was okay.
This makes me sort of happy. This was just one year. Think of all the stuff I’ll do in the coming years. Maybe I’ll get through this. Who knows.
Everything changes so quickly. I remember being 7 and my sister telling me how models starved...
Everything changes so quickly. I remember being 7 and my sister telling me how models starved themselves to stay thin. I thought, ‘how can people do that?’ And here I am, 8 years later, thinking how people DON’T do it. I first chewed and spit at the age of 9. Went on a proper 2 month diet at 11.
It just doesn’t get better. 48 kgs was my goal weight. I’m 47 now and still not happy. Thin isn’t a synonym for pretty, why can’t I understand that. I feel so disconnected from my body. I don’t feel like I’m here. I’m not.
No comments:
Post a Comment